What are Asian Parents?
Strict. Overbearing. Scary. Willing to do anything for their child’s success.
The archetype of Asian parenting is the tiger parent, who prioritises schoolwork above all else and pushes their children to work towards unreachable expectations. They adopt a narrow definition of success that usually involves entrance into the most prestigious universities as a ticket to a lucrative white-collar job.
Key characteristics include:
Constantly pressuring children to perform well academically
Pushing their children into extracurriculars, especially music and sports, to enhance their university applications
Disinterest in other parts of their children’s lives
Strict discipline, including what can be classified as verbal or physical abuse
Comparisons to other children, whether favourable (when bragging about their child to other parents) or not (when trying to ’motivate‘ their child)
The origins
For Chinese people in particular, a large part of this type of parenting is rooted in the traditional Confucian values of work, enduring hardship, filial piety, and dedication towards knowledge. Additionally, education has always been incredibly important in Chinese culture, from the fiercely competitive imperial examinations to becoming civil servants — one of the few ways to move a family upwards in social status back then — to the modern-day high-pressure gaokao that determines entire futures. The pressure on children to bring fortune to the family has only increased with the one-child policy, which means that all of a family’s hopes and expectations may come down on a single child or grandchild.
An important thing to consider is the idea of sacrifice and family prevalent in so many Asian cultures. Parents must sacrifice time and money and effort and even their own dreams for their children’s success, and children are in turn expected to be successful and raise their family’s socioeconomic standing.
Parenting styles
There are four main parenting styles: Authoritative, Authoritarian, Indulgent, and Neglectful. Tiger parents are authoritarian.
Authoritarian parents are demanding and unresponsive, meaning that they set high expectations and standards without necessarily explaining why. They are often harsher than other parents and enforce strict discipline.
The absence of nurture, however, does not necessarily mean the absence of love — only a different expression of it. For example, criticism is viewed as a way of showing involvement and care, while praise may be viewed as spoiling a child or making them lazy. The custom of bragging about one’s kids means that parents may mistakenly believe other children are more successful than their own, and thus push harder for their child to catch up, while having an academically struggling child is considered a failure as a parent.
While the method may not be ideal, many “Asian parents” just want what they consider the best for their children and the family.
Long-term impacts
While Asian children do tend to achieve more academically, school is far from the only metric of success. Tiger-parented children tend to be less independent, less helpful, less social.
The focus on academics above all else has given rise to the “Kong kids phenomenon”, whereby Hong Kong children, attended to by family members and helpers and expected to do nothing but study, are self-centered, utterly dependent on their caretakers, and unable to do anything for themselves. One survey conducted in 2013 in particular found that 76% of 500 parents interviewed said that their children needed help getting dressed.
Perhaps the more immediate effect, however, is the mental health toll this style of parenting takes on children. Tiger parenting has been linked to chronic mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. In Hong Kong, more than a quarter of secondary and tertiary students have contemplated suicide, and among them, most stated the pressure to study as a major factor. In some extreme cases, tiger-parented children have turned to homicide as a solution.
Tiger parenting may be understandable, may be well-meaning, but the effects are too many and too painful to ignore.
Sources:
Writer: Katherine Yan
Editor: Kristen Wong
Graphics: Joyce Liang
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